So I’m down here for a conference, and as my first one, I’m happy to say that the weather has been great, the people I’ve met have been great, the people I’m down here with our great (my coworkers), and the food has been great.
Michelle comed down later tonight for a few days of R&R. I’m really looking forward to having her down here, as we get a chance to be kids again. We’re staying at Walt Disney World. I forgot to mention that.
The weather has been mostly sunny and in the 80s and dry since I got here on Saturday. I can’t complain. I missed out, as last year, this conference I’m at was in Hawaii. Next year, it’s in Vegas. That should be good times, too. I’ve only been to Vegas once, and it was only for about 6 hours…on a whim!
Dear Mr. Baker,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during our commission of duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to your employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of “cut and paste” as it is explained to you for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You wander around the building all day, shiftlessly seeking fault in others. You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however, I have a few parting thoughts:
When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation as I have consisted performed my duties and even more. The most you can say to hurt me is, “I prefer not to comment.” To keep you honest, I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
I have all the passwords to every account on the system and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I will publish your “Favorites,” which I conveniently saved when you made me “back up” your useless files. I do believe that terms like “Lolita” are not viewed favorably by the university administrations.
When you borrowed the digital camera to “take pictures of your mother’s b-day,” you neglected to mention that you were going to take nude pictures of yourself in the mirror. Then, like the techno-moron you are, you forgot to erase them. Suffice it to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle. I assure you that those photos are being kept in safe places pending your authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (And, for once, would you please try to use spellcheck? I hate correcting your mistakes.)
I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody and all of your twisted little repugnant obsessions will become public knowledge. Never f*ck with your systems administrator, Mr. Baker! They know what you do with all that free time!
Sincerely
Thanks to Kevin for this one! He’s always good for quality humor!
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food, and companionship… she goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds… hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
I take my wife everywhere… but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said… so I suggested the kitchen.
We always hold hands…if I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!”… So I bought her an electric chair.
My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me “In the lake.”
She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling “Am I too late for the garbage?”… The driver said “No, jump in!”
Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
I married Miss Right…I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months… I don’t like to interrupt her.
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked “What’s on the TV?” …I said “Dust!”
Originally uploaded by mizuha.
I thought this was awesome!!! I was looking at a new site called www.popurls.com. It looks at all the most current web-buzz, and it has a section for Flickr. This was one fo the images!
A nice chance for Benjamin and Angelina to get to hang out! Not only that, but we also got to hang out with Dino and Danielle. Dino was showing off his new theater components. I went over there this past weekend, Sunday, to help Dino finish the job, by crawling in his attic to help him install his surround sound speakers.